Saturday, 30 August 2014

Jihadi Humour

when two tribes go to war - abu ghraib and islamic state
Cameron announced that the UK is facing the worst ever terrorist threat.

The following morning the BBC website showed a review of the papers captioned something like this...

"Papers focus on extreme terror threat to the UK, and look forward to the return of X-Factor".

It sums up the hysteria and pointlessness quite well.  So here are some jihadi jokes based loosely on the nightmare end of days apocalypse that we are apparently facing.


Hamas representatives have announced that they can see light at the end of the tunnel.

Music Hall Jihad

I say - my dogs got no head.
How does he smell?
Not so good.

I say - my Moslem wife has gone to Syria.
No Syria you infidel.

Terror Threat Levels

Without trying to be funny - there is something ridiculous about the government threat warning.  It consists of five levels - low, moderate, substantial, severe and critical.  It is stupid, arbitrary and boring.

Curiously, despite the current Jihad threat being the worst we have ever faced, etc., MI5 are still maintaining a separate set of levels for Northern Ireland.  Maybe that helps with perspective.  Apocalypse in Iraq and genuine occasional bomb-threat in Belfast.

Here's a threat level cartoon.

terrorist threat level pictogram

Jihadi Jokes

The standard jokes are anything but.  They are simply the usual fear and racism with the target name changed.  The same old awful 'jokes' that have been around as long as hate itself.

The only good Jihadi is a dead Jihadi - and so on.  Unfortunately, in the absence of that type of thing, I need some real humour.  Most of the really funny stuff is being perpetuated by hysterical  Western governments and media.

I will work on material that involves heads falling off.  Did you hear about the Jihadi who lost his head over some girl?  Something like that although it needs to be funny as well.

Crusade Humour

Moslem and Christian Crusade fightersThere must be some mileage in jokes about the Crusades.

Too soon?  It was hundreds of years ago.

There is an oddity about young British Moslems going off to fight in the Middle East for a Jihad.

Way back in history it was young British Christian men.  Same place - different religion.

Caliphate Now Opening

Everyone now knows what a caliphate is.  It is an area of land that was historically part of the Otterman Empire.  An Islamic State.

It seems that it was OK for Western powers to create Israel after the Second World War but not OK for the artificial Syrian and Iraq borders to be reorganised.

The British Royals like opening fetes and they are good friends with the Saudis, who sponsor extreme Islamic terrorism.  It would be a great public relations opportunity all round if they could cut the ribbon on the new borders.

"I declare this caliphate open".

Famous Quotes

Mohammed Shakespeare - "To behead or not to behead"

More great Jihadi humour coming soon!