Sunday, 6 July 2014

How Civil Servants Can Lose a Dossier

The Civil Service spends all its time documenting every minute detail.  We hold millions of files - paper and electronic - on all aspects of public and private life.  It is our job!  However there may be times when you are required to lose a file.

This is how to proceed.

The Minister who wants you to lose the sensitive document - which may detail allegations against Ministers - will give you a special wink when he passes it over.  "Store this very carefully" he will say and you must pay attention to his face.

He will give no more clues and he will never put an instruction in writing.  It is up to you to use your initiative.  Being a civil servant this is a very difficult thing to do but other more senior servants of the Crown will help.

Once you are assured that the file needs to be destroyed you have a number of choices.


In non-smoking offices this has become considerably more difficult.  A favoured place to take documents for a small fire is Hamsptead Heath.  If disturbed you can say you are observing badgers.


Shredding facilities are available on each floor.  You need to make sure they are double cross-cut and flush the shredded documents down a toilet.  Do not use the one next to the Cabinet Office as that is prone to blockage when Mr.Gove is in.


The old spy stories would suggest a document can be eaten.  It is not possible with hundreds of pages detailing abuse allegations against MP's.  Unless you have the time to prepare some sort of stew to feed to many homeless people - forget it.

Give the Files to the Press

Many of the editors and owners are in receipt of, or expecting, a knighthood.  If you hand these papers over "for immediate publication" and give them the special wink - they will never be seen again.

Use the "Lost" Filing Cabinet 

Next to Mr.Gove's office is the special filing cabinet for losing sensitive material.  Anything that goes in there is deemed lost and will only be used in cases of National Emergency such as a Labour Government being accidentally elected.

The Police

Give full details and folders to the police and launch an immediate enquiry.  Nothing will ever happen. Absolutely guaranteed.  They protected Savile and kept Hillsborough quiet for years.  Please do not overuse this option - they are busy people!

Saturday, 5 July 2014

Did Rolf Harris Really Deserve Five Years?

Rolf Harris and kangaroo
Rolf Harris has been sent down for five years and nine months.  He is eighty-four years old. 

Many women will be thinking that if only they had been groped by Rolf instead of every other man on the Tube, in the office – they might have had some comeback.

As for the age of the victims.  The Rolling Stones “Stray Cat Blues” is an enlightening attitude to underage sex.  Well done Sir Mick Jagger!  Major luvvie favourite John Peel was not averse to the younger woman.

Put simply – there are many men, famous or not, who are as guilty as Rolf if not more so.  They will be free this morning and should celebrate their good fortune.

After spending millions on the Yewtree investigation and suffering some high profile prosecution failures the police badly needed a result with the Rolf trial.  They got their man.  His sentence will achieve nothing, help no-one but now the public have a hate figure.

We need our pound of flesh.  We were thwarted over Jimmy Savile and Cyril Smith because they died before we could get to them.  Now we can put Rolf Harris in the stocks and if only we had hanging – or even better stoning – to deal with these vile people.

The verdict is a perfect distraction with some excellent timing.

On the same day – a personal friend of the Prime Minister and Rupert Murdoch – was also sent to prison.  Andy Coulson, found responsible for sanctioning crimes such as hacking into a dead girls mobile, has been given a shorter prison stay.  Rebekah Brooks – another personal friend of the PM – was found not guilty. 

Ticking away in the background it appears that Leon Britten and the Home Office managed to ‘lose’ a dossier containing details of a paedophile network in Parliament.   Cameron does not want an inquiry into any of that business.

But don’t look over there.  Look instead at Rolf Harris, 84 years old, ‘vile pervert’ being carted off to die in prison.

Others Go Free

If Rolf is guilty and deserves this sentence then one wonders about these other cases.

The top Liberal who has been accused by many women of being a serial groper.  No prosecution yet.  This is not a historical case.

The Tory who regularly abused male researchers including at least one reported rape and who was found not guilty in a recent trial.

Two Coronation Street actors - both found not guilty.

Dave Lee Travis - who appears to have been free with his hands - also found not guilty.

What about the biographies written by famous people (Stones, Led Zeppelin, etc.) that openly brag of such goings on - and the support shown by establishment celebrities for Roman Polanski and his notorious case?

Friday, 13 June 2014

Brazil v Croatia Result Was Fixed

selling football to the highest bidder
In case you missed the game there were the following incidents…

  • A soft penalty given to Brazil
  • No red card for Neymar who committed a deliberate and savage foul
  • A Croatian goal disallowed

Normally in football there is some sort of balance.  A wrong decision here, a ‘correcting’ one there. Not this time.

I wrote before the match on Twitter that Brazil would win because it would be fixed.  All that surprised me was the blatancy of it and the lack of post-match investigative reporting or commentating.  It is as if the football world have chosen to look away.

Of course they have because from Blatter and cronies all the way down through footballers, TV companies and sponsors - no one wants to kill the golden goose.

We pretty much know Fifa and the World Cup are rotten to the core.  That leaders of football associations – particularly but not solely – in Africa can be bought.  That Qatar was an outrageous fix.

So why would they stop there?  When there are billions at stake.  What the World Cup in Brazil needed was Brazil winning the opening game and hooray!  They did it.

Shameless, sad and discouraging cheating of the public who are watching the beautiful game being destroyed by corruption.  If those billion dollar sponsors think this gravy train can keep on selling overpriced Chinese child slave-labour crap they may be mistaken.

The Brazil World Cup should be the most glorious celebration of football.  Those people at the top of football are throwing it all away.